NEW LOOK

Hey everybody! I have a new look. I like it more. It displays my personal individuality more. So anyway, these holidays are a bit lonely with out steven coming over once a week and me not going over to his house once a week. I could definately do with one of our tickle fights.

Somethings wrong

I'm not sure what it is, but I'm having problems waking up in the morning. I'm always really tired in the morning. I had to skip school today cause I couldn't stay awake getting dressed. I literally blacked out and hit the floor trying to put my pants on.
But I don't know what it could be. I'm getting enough sleep, I know that. I go to bed at 11:00 pm and wake up at 7:00 am. Thats enough sleep time if you ask me. I'm emotionally sound. I don't get sad or angry about anything. But still, I wake up and I can't focus. Hell I'm even having problems in school with focusing and staying on task. I just want to sleep all day long. I went to bed at 11:00 last night and when i got up this morning at 7 i was really sleepy. So i went back to bed and didn't wake back up till 11. See what I mean. Why would I need 12 hours of sleep. Something is wrong

What really happened to the 7 deadly sins!

I wrote this deal on what really happened to all 7 deadly sins. I'll let you figure out which person is which sin. It shouldn't be too hard.

“OH MY GOSH I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!!! UGH!!! I WANT A COOKIE!!! AND MAYBE SOME MILK AND EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE!!! BUT UNTIL I GET THAT COOKIE, I WILL NOT BE HAPPY!! OH AND MAYBE A DOUGHNUT, AND SOME CHOCOLATE, A PIZZA, FUNYUNS, SOME WATER, LOTS OF WATER, A HERSHEYS BAR UMM… SNO-CONE WITH CHERRY FLAVORING AND A SPOON, A WIDE SCREEN TV… MAKE THAT A 123” TV, AND MORE COOKIES, CHOCOLATE CHIP TO BE EXACT, SOME ICE CREAM, AND I’M GONNA NEED A SODA. THEN I’LL BE COOPERATIVE. TILL I RUN OUT. THEN I’M GONNA WANT...” - Famous last words of a glutton. (Cause of death: shot by a hotel manager)

“I NEED TO GET LAID, REALLY BAD. I WANT SOMEONE FINE AND SEXY WITH PERFECT MUSCLES AND THE SMELL OF HEAVEN. HE ALSO NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO PLEASE ME IN WAYS I’VE NEVER BEEN PLEASED BEFORE. I WANT TO HURT, YET HURT SO GOOD. OH AND HE MUST NOT BE…” – Famous last words of an over-imaginative perv. (Cause of death: shot by her husband)

“UGH..WHERE AM I ? WHY THE HECK AM I ON THE COUCH? WHY AM I NOT ON MY FUTON? IM TIRED. SOMEONE GET ME A SODA. I HATE YOU ALL. YOU ALL BITE…I’D KICK YOUR BUTTS, BUT IM TIRED. WHERE IS MY SODA?! I SWEAR I’LL …” – Famous last words of a lazy moron. (Cause of death: shot by mother who gave shelter to him till he was 30)

“OH MAN AM I PRETTY! I’M THE MOST GORGEOUS THING TO WALK THE FACE OF THIS PATHETIC EARTH. EARTH ISN’T EVEN AS HOT AS I AM! NOT ONLY THAT BUT I’M ALSO THE MOST SKILLED AT… WELL… ANYTHING! MAN I”M SEXY! AND THE REST OF YOU ARE PATHETIC! I HATE YOU ALL! I CAN’T STAND TO HAVE MY GRACEFULLNESS BESMURCHED BY ALL OF YOUR FILTH! I HATE YOU!” – Famous last words of a self-absorbed freak (Cause of death: shot himself)

“I WANT EVERYTHING!” – Famous last words of greedy man (Cause of death: someone thought it included getting shot)

“I WISH I HAD BRAD PITTS CAR. I WISH I HAD HIS LIFE, HIS WIFE, HIS LIVILYHOOD. I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE HIM IN EVERY WAY. I CALL HIM BUT HE NEVER CALLS ME BACK I EVEN RAISED MONEY TO GET PLASTIC SURGERY TO LOOK LIKE HIM. ITS GREAT! PEOPLE ASK ME FOR MY AUTOGRAPH ALL THE TIME. BUT BRAD PITT IS SO AWESOME. EVERYTHING HE DOES. THE WAY HE WALKS, THE WAY HE…” – Famous last words a stalker (Cause of death: shot by Brad Pitt)

“I SHOT THEM ALL BECAUSE THEY BOTHERED ME, BUT SO DOES THE REST OF THE WORLD SO...” – Famous last word of a hateful Brad Pitt (Cause of death: shot himself)

Now I hope you get a laugh out of this, cause I was laughing my ass of when I wrote it.

Nature talks, if your willing to listen

Anything worth writing is inspired explicitly and without method.

I was traveling to my home from the closest restaraunt where I had just enjoyed a delicious burger and an interesting conversation with four of my friends. Its about a mile drive. I pulled into my drive-way, turned off the ignition and... well, I don't know how to explain it. My world just stopped. Everything just froze. Complete silence. Cars wizzing by at 50 miles an hour made a barely audible hum. The voice's of the neighboring children playing jumprope out in their yard echoed in the distance of eternity, and I found my self staring and a lone tree in the field across the highway. Watching as the wind rustled the leaves, slowly. Almost poeticly. I thought, "How beautiful!" I found amazement in this lone tree. It signified something to me. This beautiful green, lucious tree stood alone in a baren, dry, highly unpleasing field, yet it said something, it said it boldy. "Though I stand alone in all that is corrupt, I will be great."
I've been pretty down on myself lately, wondering if all I do is really worth it, and this tree was my sign. I started to think how me and this tree relate. To be honest, I don't consider myself the greatest there ever was. I know my accomplishments. They are many, though not amazing. I managed to come out in a highly prejudice area, literally I'm the only gay male for hundreds of miles. After which, I became president of the National Honor Society chapter in my school. I also maintained my status as Valadictorian and Captian of the basketball team.
All this is great, and true accomplishments but I was still not confident in myself. Don't ask me how, I just wasn't ok. This tree, in a matter of two minutes, changed my entire outlook on my life. On how people work. The tree replicated in nature what I have become to my small community. Isn't it amazing? How you can go about your life in a mildly entertaining, and unamusing style, then something like a tree in a field comes along and changes you. Nature talks, if your willing to listen. Not be a hippy, but thats how I see it.

Lost Generations

So my grandfather is dying. Interesting how I just say that like it doesn't matter, right? Well here's why. My grandpa, and for the sake of this post and less typing he will be called G-pa, has been a HUGE part of my life. But I hate him. I never had a dad, like literally my mom raised me on her lonesome. But my G-pa has been the father figure. Only worse. He really has never had anything good to say about me. To my face, he would sit there and tell me how lazy I was cause I wouldn't fold the towels properly, or I let mom do the laundry while I do the dishes.
Another thing is he would tell me to my face that I am not intelligent. Now don't get me wrong, I don't claim to be the smartest guy in the world. I think though that being the #1 student in my class counts for something.
My G-pa is a classified genius. He bases his decision of my intellect on weather or not I see things his way.
I don't know how to put this. He really does hate me. I know your thinking, "oh just shut up, your grandfather just wants to see you succeed." WRONG. When I was 11, I opted to live with him for a year when my mom decided to move to the city. Picture a small town with like 17 houses total and no school. Before the year was even up, he kicked me out of his house. I WAS 11!!!! And anyone in my family was over 3 hours away. Do you know what kicking an 11 year old boy with no where to go out of your house will do to him? I was devestated.
Still, though I was forced to include him in my life. And you could say he was forced to include me in his. Either way I wasn't happy, but he got a kick out of telling me how stupid I was every day. I wished him dead. Though I was always polite and respectful to him, I hated that man.
And now he lays on his death bed requesting to see me. I REFUSE! Not until later anyways. They gave him roughly 4 months so I have time. I need to gather up what I want to say to him.
I don't think there is a way in hell that I can forgive him. Even if he asks for it. But I know that he doesn't want to talk to me to say he's sorry. If he was really sorry he would have included me in his Will in some small way. Even if he left me, just say, his old picture album of our family.
I'm having some issues with the fact that he's on his death bed, wants to talk to me about God knows what, and still hates me. I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like crap. I want to ask him why he hates me. Cause I'm not really sure. But I'll have to do it later.

P.S. I DON'T CARE IF THERE ARE SPELLING ERRORS IN THIS POST, I'M NOT WRITING A SHORT STORY SO I DON'T BE SO PICKY. ITS PRETTY GOOD FOR THE MOST PART.

BLASTPHAMY!!!

Hahahaha!!! Just kidding! No today was pretty regular. Lets see, I started off the day with no breakfast at home, got to school and had breakfast burritto nasty. Proceeded to with my Japanese class. Then the day seemed to go by fairly quickly.
Till basketball open gym started. It was great, actually better than usual. I made some real progress today. As a basketball player, any opportunity to play I consider practice. I may be one of the best in the state, but that ain't crap. I still need work.
And that was the day today for me. Quite boring actually. The fact that I blogged it is pathetic. Oh well, welcome to my world.

The Shattered Heart of the Wandering Soul

I've never had a release. Everywhere I've been, everywhere I've ever lived, every "heartless hero" that had that gall to call themselves my friend. Nothing could ever sooth my emotions. For years they burned inside me and I was only like a moth drawn to the flame. I was drawn to him. He filled the emptiness inside me. I was yearning for someone to lavish my affections on. Someone to whom I could express the anger and the hate that burned so deep inside it left blisters on my broken heart, and he was there.

I thought I would have him forever, but I was mistaken. He was just like everyone else. For so long, people have been false towards me. For so long, they have only put up with me. Kindly, yes. Willingly, no. I have seen the act so many times before that I have learned to mimic it. It is now the face that every person sees. I am the living lie.

I will begin the tale with how we met, who I was, and how I thought before him.
I was a simple high school student with a complex and haunted past. I was a senior to be exact. I was your typical, perfect student and boy. Straight A's and top of my class, captin of the basketball team, star of the dramma club, and plenty of friends who would turn their back on me the instant it was gone.
I had it all. My future looked bright, despite the fact my past was as dark and gloomy as a haunted graveyard. I loved where I was, and I loved everyone. Even though I knew they wore a painted face of kindness and respect when I was around. I was under the belief that they were jealous of my talent and abilities, though the real reason for their displeasure of me may be that of something else. I no longer care.
Even then, when I was at my best, I was angry at the world. I kept to my self, though what I did reveal was truthfull.
I would say it was the middle of the year when I met him. For a while I believed that he was the next step in my accomplishments, that I had found a love that was honest and true. I believed that I had found early what it takes some a life time to discover. Wrong. The moment we met was the exact moment my life took a downward spiral.
His lie was better than the others. His appeal was also far greater. I can remember an immense satisfaction of running my fingers through is short dark hair. Looking into his deep green eyes.
Over the corse of the year he managed to convince me to open up. I told him everything. I told him about my abusive drunk of a father. I told him about the death of my three brothers. I told him how me and my mother were left in the streets to starve by my entire family.
I have learned to never trust in the hearts of men. I'm still not sure what it was about me that turned him away but he eventually started to back off. Maybe it was how emotional I was about my past. Maybe I was to forward with my love for him. Maybe he never loved me to begin with, I don't know. What I do know, he began to toy with my emotions. He played with me like a harp. Truly an artist in his destruction. It was so beautifully developed I would have never seen it coming.
I lost sleep. My every thought was him. His unrelenting falsified love drove me to insomnia. My grades began to fall. I'd see him once and for a week I would be ok. It was obvious, he was my obbsession. No he was more than that. He was my addiction. He was the pill that made everything float on water.
He left me. He left me for another woman. They had been together for a while but it was so masterfully executed who could have foreseen this level of betrayal. There timing to meet, their affair, their love. Everything was so much like us it was sick. Its one thing to be left for someone of different quality, but she was me 2.0 in his life. She was everything that I was but better and she wasn't emotional. Go figure.
I quit everything. I quit my team, dropped out of school, and, like the rest of my family before me, left my mother. I know what your thinking. I over exxagerated. I stupidly fell apart and wasted everything that I was and could have been over something as simple as the shattering of an already cracked heart. Well you may be right, but if you think about it, it was only a matter of time till it happened any way. I was on the verge of snapping and I had turned a blind eye to it all.