I soon forgot him, though heavily regretted giving up what I was. In the years to come, I spent countless hours at countless jobs that barely sustained me, just trying to scrape a living. Trying to squeeze a dollar out of a dime wasn't working for me.
I thought about how popular, how well known I used to be in High School. How, when I started failing, the counselors immediately came to my aid. I hated myself. I hated what I had become. Then my mind would flutter on the thought of something else. For a brief moment, I would delude myself with thoughts of success, regardless of whether or not I was great back then. It helped some, but the over all effect was depressing.
For a year I had nobody to turn too. I had friends, yes, but as before I saw them as "two-faced". Because of the boy I had lost all sense of trust. Not only trust but confidence. From then on I couldn't love. I couldn't ever feel something for someone without instantly questioning if they were going to screw me over in the end. Boyfriends came and went like midday lunch. Yet I couldn't handle the life of being a single, non-accomplished man. I had a need for someone in my life but not one guy could satisfy my thirst for trust and love.
I met another boy, a year younger than me. I was 22 at the time.
